On Saturday night we went to Passion. Chris Tomlin was the
worship leader and Louie Gigglio was a speaker. It was an amazing time of
worship. Chris Tomlin sang a song, I had heard it one other time, but I did not
have the lyric... so at the concert, reading the lyrics, it became one of my new
favorite songs. “We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you, all for
you.”
Surrender
When I hear that, I think “Ya, I’m on the mission field, I
am where God wants me to be... I already have surrendered my life to him.” But
that’s not true, that is what I want to convince myself. There are many areas
that I am not fully surrendered to, but one area is forgiveness.
As much as I would love to not do this, put it behind me and
try my very best to forget it, I can’t. Well,
you know those times when you get hurt by someone and as a result of your pain,
you act very immaturely... This is my tale.
Once upon a time in a land called Ohio... I lost my best
friend because of stupid mistakes. Me and my friend had mutual feelings for
each other. Long story short(ish) over time the feelings left. Well, he began
liking someone else... which was fine with me, he was my friend and only my
friend. What bothered me is that he replaced me for someone better. The moment
he started talking to her, he stopped talking to me. That crushed me. When I
pointed it out to him, he said it would not happen again... A week and a half
later it happened again. After a few month of trying to keep the friendship
alive (and all attempts ending in failure) I gave up. It was too much
rejection. About 6 months later it came out that I was upset with him... And I
blew up. Over time, I made my heart right with God, and I forgave him... Only to
find out he made up a rather large lie... With which I blew up on him again.
More mistakes (on both sides) and a year later... And I just
want to say I am so, very sorry. You hurt me so badly, but that was no reason
to turn around and freak out on you. I do believe that the feelings that I felt
were justified, but nothing could justify the way I treated you. I acted so
immature and flat-out-stupid at times. There is not a day that goes by that I
don’t think about you and regret losing your friendship. I wish so badly I
could change the outcome of this situation, but from the one conversation we
have had in the past year, I think we both know that we are where we are. I
just want you to know that I truly am sorry and with Gods help, I have forgiven you. At times it was (and still is) hard, but I do forgive you. I, also just miss your friendship and but I pray
for you often. I pray that you will find someone perfect for you. I pray that
you will be blessed. But, most of all, I pray that you will grow closer to God,
because in life that is all that truly matters.
Sadly at this point, ‘our’
story does not have a “happily ever after” but it is on its way, one for me and
one for him. I look forward to the day where I can see each of our stories and
the way God has worked in our lives.
So, in front of “the world” (and by that I mean the few
people reading this post) I am making the statement that I surrender. I
surrender all to God... my anger, my bitterness, my hurt. I surrender.
Sorry, I have a quick announcement...
(Dramatically flashing across a black screen... like a movie advertisement)
Coming soon to a computer near you:
From the same dudette that brought you... well the post you just read.
“Streaming live” straight from Africa
The long awaited...
Blog Post About Uganda (Title still in progress)
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