Surrender and Forgiveness... Hand in Hand

On Saturday night we went to Passion. Chris Tomlin was the worship leader and Louie Gigglio was a speaker. It was an amazing time of worship. Chris Tomlin sang a song, I had heard it one other time, but I did not have the lyric... so at the concert, reading the lyrics, it became one of my new favorite songs. “We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you, all for you.”

Surrender

When I hear that, I think “Ya, I’m on the mission field, I am where God wants me to be... I already have surrendered my life to him.” But that’s not true, that is what I want to convince myself. There are many areas that I am not fully surrendered to, but one area is forgiveness.

As much as I would love to not do this, put it behind me and try my very best to forget it, I can’t.  Well, you know those times when you get hurt by someone and as a result of your pain, you act very immaturely... This is my tale.

Once upon a time in a land called Ohio... I lost my best friend because of stupid mistakes. Me and my friend had mutual feelings for each other. Long story short(ish) over time the feelings left. Well, he began liking someone else... which was fine with me, he was my friend and only my friend. What bothered me is that he replaced me for someone better. The moment he started talking to her, he stopped talking to me. That crushed me. When I pointed it out to him, he said it would not happen again... A week and a half later it happened again. After a few month of trying to keep the friendship alive (and all attempts ending in failure) I gave up. It was too much rejection. About 6 months later it came out that I was upset with him... And I blew up. Over time, I made my heart right with God, and I forgave him... Only to find out he made up a rather large lie... With which I blew up on him again.

More mistakes (on both sides) and a year later... And I just want to say I am so, very sorry. You hurt me so badly, but that was no reason to turn around and freak out on you. I do believe that the feelings that I felt were justified, but nothing could justify the way I treated you. I acted so immature and flat-out-stupid at times. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you and regret losing your friendship. I wish so badly I could change the outcome of this situation, but from the one conversation we have had in the past year, I think we both know that we are where we are. I just want you to know that I truly am sorry and with Gods help, I have forgiven you. At times it was (and still is) hard, but I do forgive you. I, also just miss your friendship and but I pray for you often. I pray that you will find someone perfect for you. I pray that you will be blessed. But, most of all, I pray that you will grow closer to God, because in life that is all that truly matters.

Sadly at this point, ‘our’ story does not have a “happily ever after” but it is on its way, one for me and one for him. I look forward to the day where I can see each of our stories and the way God has worked in our lives.

So, in front of “the world” (and by that I mean the few people reading this post) I am making the statement that I surrender. I surrender all to God... my anger, my bitterness, my hurt. I surrender.

Sorry, I have a quick announcement...

(Dramatically flashing across a black screen... like a movie advertisement)

Coming soon to a computer near you:
From the same dudette that brought you... well the post you just read.
“Streaming live” straight from Africa
The long awaited...
Blog Post About Uganda (Title still in progress)