Glorify your name!

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds... Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say?" 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for THIS VERY REASON I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" John 12:24, 27, 28a

As I was doing my devotions the other night I came across this passage and it triggered a prayer. I began to pray with complete abandonment. "Lord, let me die. Let me die to myself that I may bring glory to your name." Let me step away from anything that is me so that I can become what is only you. Let me be so into you that I forget who I have been and who I am. "Let me die." Truly, let me leave this world if that is your will. Let me join you at this very moment if you see fit. To look at your face would be the greatest joy. "Father, glorify your name!" Do whatever is necessary for your name to be lifted up; in my life, in the lives of those around me and in the lives of people all over the world. "I am yours." 
Now, I keep a prayer journal, and every night I end with this. It is a constant reminder to myself that I am here for his work... but, to be completely honest, some nights it is just something I say out of habit and but some nights it is something that I mean with all my heart.  That night, I meant it with everything in me. "I am yours, heart and soul. Do with me and in me what you want so that your name will be glorified." 

I am heading into a very difficult place in my life. In July I will be heading back to the states to fund raise. This is hard for me for a few reasons. One is, I simply hate being in front of people. I am not well spoken when talking to friends, let alone crowds. I get shyer and more uncomfortable than normal when people are looking at me. I don't like public attention, its as simple as that.  Well, I am beginning to sound like Moses.... so I shall stop there, but you get the idea. "Father, be glorified." Heading back to the states is also hard because it is one step closer to me actually going to Uganda. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to go, but I know it will be an incredibly difficult task once I get there... dealing with everything; work visa, finding a house, employees, paper work, the list goes on. My life is going to change drastically in this coming year and that is hard to think about. Next year I will be stepping into the unknown. "Father, glorify your name!" I will pick up all I own, fly half way around the world and start new. I know some of what God wants me to do, but this is a huge leap of faith. I don't have money or resources, but he will provide in his own timing. I am dying to myself... and man does death hurt. "Father, I am yours. Glorify your name!" My job right now it let God change me. Let him knit pick my life. Step back and surrender and he has me die. Now, I should have been letting him to this since the beginning.... but that is a hard step to take. Sometimes it takes a while for full surrender.

"I wanna be lost in you, like a ship in the night... I wanna be so far gone in you, so far nothing else will ever do. I wanna be so far gone in you, in you." So Far Gone, Thousand Foot Kruch