Prayer for future

I will have a blog post about our little, Analia coming very soon, but I was working on this post before she passed, so I decided to get this out while I continue working on the new one...

I am writing this blog post simply to inform everyone on where Stevie and I are at the moment and ask for your prayers for wisdom. I am going to be open and honest about all of our thoughts and feelings so that all of you can see that we are trying to figure out our next steps, but we are in no way taking them lightly. We are bathing this in prayer and we just need others to step up and pray with us and for us. This is also a random compilation of our thoughts, so it is not written very well, and I'm sorry about that, but there is really no smooth way of doing a post like this.

A few weeks ago my dad sat down with me and Stevie because he said that he and some others have not seen a passion and a drive from us to get to Liberia. He was in no way being critical or judgmental, just making a statement and asking us where our passion is. After some talking both Stevie and I confirmed that our passion and love is here in Guatemala, but that in no way would that stop us from following Gods call. So my dads next question was, how confident were we in Gods call to Liberia... That was a hard question to answer. Basically, in February of last year, I felt God telling me that there was something new ahead of me. I prayed that he would show my Dad what that was, and about 3 days later (without knowing that I had been praying this way), my dad approached me about going to Liberia. After some time praying together, it just felt right, so I made the commitment and started taking the steps towards that (packing up life in Uganda and returning to Guatemala until everything was ready for me to head to Liberia). In the meantime, me and Taryn started up the second group home in Guatemala, and Stevie and I started a relationship. Here we are, starting 2018 married with 9 kids, and we have no idea what is ahead.

On the other side, in Liberia they have been working so, very, hard to prepare for us to get there. They are hiring new staff, people who are doing amazing work. Through all of the "preparation" for us to join them, some amazing changes have been made to get this home organized and make huge improvements in the care of these children. One of my first thoughts was, "If they have been preparing so much, how can we pull out now?"... But then I realized, what if they needed a "commitment" from us to get this portion of the ministry off the ground? What if this home really is supposed to be fully run by Liberians, but they just needed a push to get it off the ground, and God used us for that (I am not saying that this is the case, I am just voicing my thoughts)? Our friends there on the ground have made it clear that they know God has everything in control, and they just want us in Gods will whether that is here or there. They have relieved us of any prior commitments to them for the time being, and are praying with us and for us as we seek God's will for our future.

Ever since I felt the personal call to missions, I made a promise that a relationship with a guy would never get in the way of Gods call on my life. I can honestly say that this relationship, this marriage, is not what has made us unexcited to go to Liberia. It is our strong love for these kids, our kids, that has kept us from having the excitement of getting to Liberia. We really do love these kids as our own, and the thought of leaving them breaks our hearts. We hurt so much at even the thought of moving away..... However sometimes God calls us to things that are impossibly difficult.

Over the years, I have met so many people that have stated with certainty that God was calling them to do _______ (fill in the blank), but then they meet someone, or they go back to school, or they get a new job, and suddenly Gods calling no longer seems important. To be honest, I have been so frustrated with person after person who has done this, that it has impaired my ability to think and pray in the correct way concerning the possibility of staying here. My frustration with these people has very much been a factor in trying to make this decision because I don't want people to judge me the way I have judged others. God is really changing my heart on that. God has reminded me that I don't know their whole story. And that is why I am trying to tell the whole story. No matter the outcome of this decision, I want you all to know that this is not a decision we take lightly. This decision affects our families, our marriage, our ministry... our entire lives.

Basically, we have no idea what is going to happen (and sorry again for the awkward writing, as it is just a bunch thoughts just thrown together). Both Stevie and I are willing to go and willing to do whatever God asks of us no matter how hard it is, we are just waiting on word from him. We are praying and seeking God's will for our lives. Not only that, we are also seeking counseling from a few people who are close to us, and that we consider to be very wise and Godly people. But we do not want opinions of others clouding our judgement as we seek God in making this huge life decision. So, respectfully, please do not write us giving us your thoughts and opinions. Instead, please be praying for us for wisdom, clarity of mind, and word from God as to what our next step is. We are willing to follow Him anywhere and we are willing to do anything He wants from us.

Thank you all for your prayers, support and encouragement.