Miracle of the Moment

Before I get into the actual post a few side notes...
1. This is a difficult post for me to write. Because of this my thoughts may not be very organized. I am sorry if my writing sounds scatterbrained, believe me I tried to make it as clear as possible, but when you are very emotional…. Well there is really no telling what the outcome will be. 
2. A few weeks ago, a friend suggested a book to me Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie. I am about half way through it (you have to read slowly because it is an emotionally difficult book to read). Nancy and her husband lost there baby girl, and this book was her way of explaining why God lets bad things happen to good people. I have used some quotes from it, so anytime you see something underlined it is from this book
3. I am referencing multiple Steven Curtis Chapman songs because they are so spot on, I can't help but post them. (Not that he is ever going to see this but here are a few words to him) Thank you so much, for the ministry you have done for so many years. Your songs, your words, your example has helped me and my family through so much, you have literally changed the direction of our lives. Thank you for being such an amazing example and encouragement to everyone around you.

It has been 1 year since Thania has passed.
52 Weeks since I have held her in my arms.
365 days since I have seen her beautiful eyes.
It has been 1 year since Thania has seen Jesus face to face.
52 weeks since she last experienced pain.
365 days since she has been fully healed.

She is completed now, she is healed, she is running and jumping and dancing with Jesus...
Meanwhile, I am still here, overtaken by grief.

“My Strength is dried up…”
“But you, O Lord, be no far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.”
Psalm 22:15, 19

When you loose someone that is so close to you, everyday tasks become hard. Picking out clothes for the other kids became a task that I choked back tears for, because every night I had to look at her shelf with all her beautiful bright colored clothes, knowing I would never get to see her in them again. Tucking the kids in for nap or bed was so hard because I would go in to give kisses and there was her empty bed. But perhaps the hardest is church. I still have moments during the worship time that I turn to pick her up so I can hold her and dance with her, and when I do she is not there. Everything reminds me of her, which makes life unbearably hard.

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you…. Because my hope is in you.” 

Psalm 25:16, 17, 20, 21

"If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose."

This is often one of the hardest things to remember. But I know with all my heart, that God was glorified in the life and death of Thania... if that was not the case she would still be here. I don't know if on this earth I will ever get to see the reason why God took Thania when he did, but I trust that when I get to heaven he will show me why. All I can do now is trust in his perfect plan even when it is hard. 

"Though those who put Jesus on the cross meant to do evil against him, God used it for good, in order to bring many to himself. The Cross, then, is the ultimate example of God's ability to work all things together for good-even the most wicked deed Darkness ever conceived."

We must learn to dwell on what we once had, instead of dwelling on what is lost.

The tiniest, most normal moments of when that person was with you become such great memories after they are gone. The smallest things very quickly can turn into the most treasured moments. 

Like, one afternoon, we pulled out a notebook and were drawing together, I hadn’t thought much about that afternoon, until (as I was packing for Uganda) I came across our picture. It is now one of my most favorite possessions.

I just came across this picture (right) yesterday... I loved that afternoon. It was back when she was still in her suborn mode, so I just snuggled her and watched watched my very favorite episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (The One Where No One's Ready).

An afternoon at the park... goofy sleeper time... silly selfies...

Drawing on our faces with a highlighter... hearing her lovely laugh... such great memories.

“So breathe it in and breath it out, listen to your heartbeat. There's a wonder in the here and now, it's right there in front of you, and I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment. And if it brings you tears then taste them as they fall, let them soften your heart. And if it brings you laughter then throw your head back and let it go, let it go…. You gotta let it go. ” 

Miracle of the Moment, Steven Curtis Chapman

"Despite our feelings of discouragement we can hold on to God's promises, hold on to what we know about who he is and how he works. Even though we don't understand, and it is so dark we cannot see to take a step forward, we can choose to hang on, to keep trusting, to keep believing God's Word."

"Trusting God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when there is only darkness-this is the kind of faith God values perhaps most of all. This is the kid of faith that can only be developed and displayed in the midst of difficult circumstances. This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken."

When grief overtakes you, all you can do is turn to God. In him is the only relief. Relief will not come overnight, it may take months, it may take years.... it may never come, just keep your eyes fixed on Him. He is the lighthouse that will keep you from sinking.

"It's all Your God, Your God, everything is Yours

From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor

and it's all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours

You'rs the make and keeper, Father and ruler of everything

It's all Yours

I've walked the valley of death's shadow

So deep and dark that I could barely breathe

I've had to let go of more than I could bear

And I questioned everything that I believe
But still even here

in this great darkness 

A comfort and hope come breaking through

As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.

And we are Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor

and it's all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours!"
Yours (with added verse) Steven Curtis Chapman