I am going to be completely honest here, so please bear with me....
I have been in Uganda since the 3rd.... and in the interest of being honest, in the past week there has been a LOT of self pity going on. I sit in my apartment, jet lagged, just wallowing in self pity. I have been putting off cleaning and unpacking because, well whats the point? I just lounge around and watch TV shows. I have been trying to work my way out of this mode, but it is so, very hard.
But Saturday evening, I sat down to do my devotions and (without reading a word) God put something on my heart. I often hear phrases along the lines of "Where I end, He begins"... you know all those phrases dealing with our faults and him picking up the pieces (great, great message that is very applicable) but for this moment in my life, he gave me a new phrase "Where He begins, I must end".
God is always one step ahead of us.... well honestly he has everything laid out, there are no "steps" for him, but for the sake of wording, we will stick with that. God is here in Kampala, Uganda waiting for me. He is waiting to provide. He is waiting to bring the right people into my life, people who are trustworthy, people who love me, people who will be accountability partners and will push me closer to Him. But when I act like a child and when I wallow in self pity... when I throw my little temper tantrum, my Father is standing in my bedroom door with his arms crossed and waiting there for me asking, "Are you done yet?" You know those moments where you are watching a toddler (yours, or a sibling, or babysitting) and the child is throwing a tantrum over nothing and you have the answer for them, but you wait until they are done throwing their fit because they have to learn that is not how you get your way? Well, that's what God has been doing for me. He has just been waiting for me, ready to help me but waiting for my pouting to be over.
God is always one step ahead of us.... well honestly he has everything laid out, there are no "steps" for him, but for the sake of wording, we will stick with that. God is here in Kampala, Uganda waiting for me. He is waiting to provide. He is waiting to bring the right people into my life, people who are trustworthy, people who love me, people who will be accountability partners and will push me closer to Him. But when I act like a child and when I wallow in self pity... when I throw my little temper tantrum, my Father is standing in my bedroom door with his arms crossed and waiting there for me asking, "Are you done yet?" You know those moments where you are watching a toddler (yours, or a sibling, or babysitting) and the child is throwing a tantrum over nothing and you have the answer for them, but you wait until they are done throwing their fit because they have to learn that is not how you get your way? Well, that's what God has been doing for me. He has just been waiting for me, ready to help me but waiting for my pouting to be over.
Where He begins, I must end.
He is already here... He is not waiting for me to fall so he can pick me up. He is not looking to fill my faults. He is waiting for me to end my selfishness and step out of the way so he can take over and provide the things I have been praying for. I must end so He can prove his sovereignty.
So I am trying my best to pick myself up, take a deep breath and keep going. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail... But I am trying.
So on my good days I have a game plan (well, somewhat)...
I met with a friend a few days ago and she has giving me some advice on how to get going with starting a non-profit here. First thing is I have to find a group that will serve as the board of directors here. This sounds like a semi easy task but there are difficulties that I will not go into. So, please be praying that God will lead me to the right people and he will give me discernment in the process. Pray that I will find very trustworthy people who will give good advice and guidance, but still allow me to set up the details of this home as I feel God is leading me to do.
Another prayer request (as I mentioned earlier) I could really use a vehicle. It would be very beneficial to me in many ways, but money is a little tight. Please pray that God will lead me to the right vehicle that will be reliable and that He will provide the money as well.
Last request, on the 18th there are elections here in Uganda. Things can sometimes get bad right after election. Pray for Gods will to be done in the election, and that everything will stay calm and safe here in Kampala.
So that's what is going on with me. Thank you for your continued prayers, they are needed more now than ever. God bless!
He is already here... He is not waiting for me to fall so he can pick me up. He is not looking to fill my faults. He is waiting for me to end my selfishness and step out of the way so he can take over and provide the things I have been praying for. I must end so He can prove his sovereignty.
So I am trying my best to pick myself up, take a deep breath and keep going. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail... But I am trying.
So on my good days I have a game plan (well, somewhat)...
I met with a friend a few days ago and she has giving me some advice on how to get going with starting a non-profit here. First thing is I have to find a group that will serve as the board of directors here. This sounds like a semi easy task but there are difficulties that I will not go into. So, please be praying that God will lead me to the right people and he will give me discernment in the process. Pray that I will find very trustworthy people who will give good advice and guidance, but still allow me to set up the details of this home as I feel God is leading me to do.
Another prayer request (as I mentioned earlier) I could really use a vehicle. It would be very beneficial to me in many ways, but money is a little tight. Please pray that God will lead me to the right vehicle that will be reliable and that He will provide the money as well.
Last request, on the 18th there are elections here in Uganda. Things can sometimes get bad right after election. Pray for Gods will to be done in the election, and that everything will stay calm and safe here in Kampala.
So that's what is going on with me. Thank you for your continued prayers, they are needed more now than ever. God bless!
I have dealt with this a lot in Guatemala. Even after 5.5 years, I have very few close friends and I felt lonely a lot. I still don't have a vehicle.
ResponderEliminarI remember my first birthday here. I had finished teaching English classes for the day, and I was walking home carrying the rest of the cake my students had gifted me. I was considering going home and wallowing in self-pity about how no one loves me or wants to spend time with me...blah blah blah. (Remember, in my case, I was an adult who made the choice to come independent of any parental influence.) IdC had a "Feed the Hungry" event that night; so as I walked past the church, I made the decision that instead of wallowing, I'd throw myself into helping others and that by the end of the evening I'd have completely forgotten that it was my birthday. (Consequently, I met my husband that evening, but that's a different story, I think.) Basically, my advice to get out of the self-pity funk is to throw yourself so completely into serving others that there is no time to feed yourself lies about your worth and loveability. May God bless you in all you do. :)