Prayerful Surrender

When he [Jesus] came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."
Matthew 8:1-2

Now, many of us know this story, its a very well known one, Jesus heals the leper. I have heard/read this story so many times, but the other night as I read it the mans words stood out to me. He did not say, "Make me clean" or "Please heal me"... instead he says 4 very simple and very sacrificial words, "if you are willing".

As humans we get it in our minds that we know whats best for us. So often we pray, "God, please..." or "I pray that you will..." but where is the sense of surrender? As Christians we have surrendered our lives to Him for better or worst. So, sometimes God has bigger plans than we have for ourselves. Sometimes we think we need something (like being healed of a disease) but he has bigger plans, and maybe his plans include you being sick.

Okay, I will get a little personal here. Like most females, I have always had the desire to get married, but unlike most females I do not assume that one day I will get married (just a personal thing God has put on my heart, I am in no way bashing on anyone that assumes they will get married). A few years ago I realized that I was expecting God to send me a husband... that's just stupid, he does not owe me anything (again, just saying for myself, not for everyone). So, I started thinking differently, instead of saying "when I get married" I changed it to "if I get married". I also started praying differently... "if it is your will, send me a husband" and even "if it is your will, help him to like me but if not help my feelings to change" (stuff like that). But it gets a little more confusing than that, because sometimes God simply want us to come to him and ask him for what we want.

So, I am working very hard to change the way I pray... it is taking some time to change what has (sadly) become somewhat of a habit, but I am working on it.
By praying "Lord, if you are willing, you can..." surrenders the whole situation to him. 1. It tells him what you want 2.it says that you trust his judgment and 3. you are surrendering all at the same time.

So I encourage you to personally figure out if/how you should change the way you pray. We are all different, if you agree with the things I have said, great... if not, simply figure out how you should make your prayers more personal... less stereotypical.

...Let your will be done, Lord.

Sculpted

I am so far out of my normal schedule that I forgot I had a blog, so sorry.
Quick update (as most, if not all, of you know)... I'm in the United States of America! I am fundraising for my move to Uganda and for the home I will be opening there. So if you would like me to speak at your church within the next month, please e-mail me at carissa@hopeforhome.org

Okay, for my real blog post, I want to share what God was showing me today as I did my devotions....
"Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom., to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguished between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines." 1 Corinthians 12:7-11

All these are the work of 

one

and

the

same

Spirit.

He gives them to each one,

just as HE determines.

...but this is not just about talents. This is also appearance and personality; the things we like about ourselves and the things we hate. God has handpicked every little thing about us. He has sculpted us into the people we are... so why do we try so hard to change ourselves? (just a quick "disclaimer": If you don't like something about yourself and that thing is a result of sin, obviously God did not make you like that and you need to change it. Sin is a totally different story.)

To be honest, there are a lot of things I don't like about myself. I don't like my laugh or my lack of musical talent. I don't like my hair, or that I'm not a size 4. I don't like the sound of my voice on video and I don't like it that I have trouble focusing when I try to read (and there are many more things). But the same God that gave each of us gifts and talents is the same God that picked my dress size. He is the same God that hand picked my personality and my quirks. He was the one that decided that a friend giving me Pop Rocks could totally make my day, and he is the one that decided that I would have an obsession with Classic Disney movies and Elvis.  I am a very unique person, and I might not always like that... but the moment I try to change myself, that is the moment that I am spitting in Gods face and trying to tell him that he made me wrong. 

"HE determines" not me. 

"Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, 'because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 

BUT IN FACT

GOD HAS ARRANGED THE PARTS IN THE BODY, 

EVERY ONE OF THEM, 

JUST AS HE WANTED THEM TO BE."

(1 Corinthians 12:14-20)

This is a hard thing to accept sometimes. We are who we are because He wanted us to be this way. Its as simple as that. It often takes reminders, we often refuse to accept it, but there is no denying this fact.

You are sculpted by Him. Every little part of you; the things you like and the things you don't, he took time to make you perfect.

Don't change what he took time to make.

Don't try to change his masterpiece. 

If you have not heard this song yet, you need to hear it. It's amazing! Great sound and even better lyrics. 

What if...

On Sunday afternoon our sweet, beautiful Thania passed away. She started getting a respiratory infection 2 days ago, but it seemed like no big deal. That morning I stayed home from church with her, Angelita (who is also a little stick) and Christian (he dosnt always sit very well through church, so since a few of us were home, I decided to keep him home also.) Thania was not breathing fantastically, but nothing to be too concerned about... but suddenly it got worst. I called the family (who were on the way from church) and I pulled out her feeding tube... as soon as Dad got home (just a few min behind the rest of the family) we hopped in the van to head to the hospital... less then a min down the road, it felt like the whole world stopped. I began panicking and told Dad that she stopped breathing. He immediately pulled over came back and started doing CPR. He kept her alive until the ambulance got there, they grabbed her... and put her in the ambulance (my dad going with them). After some vehicle issues, my mom and I arrived at the hospital only to be greeted at the door by my father.... he was shaking his head.
That was it.
Thania was with Jesus.
My world spun.
I have never felt that kind of pain, that kind of grief.

After a few very long hours, my dad returned home... only to head back to the hospital again in the morning. Late morning dad returned home, this time with her body. We were told that the results of the biopsy showed that (we believe) she had had un-diagnosed cystic fibrosis (which explains why it went from a cold and escalated so quickly.

From the moment she stopped breathing in my arms, in the back of my dads truck, I began to think of all kids of "what if"s that continued for the next few hours.
What if I had called dad earlier?
What if I had emphasized my fear or my urgency?
What if we had taken her to the doctor the moment the cold showed up?
What if the geneticist that she visited a few months ago had noticed her condition?
What if....
What if....
What if....

But within no time I realized that all my "what if"s where completely pointless.
It would not have mattered if I called dad earlier or emphasized my fears. It would not have mattered if the family doctor or the geneticist had noticed anything.... none of that mattered the least bit. I know this because I trust God... I dont understand him, but I trust him. Thania's time here on earth was complete. She no longer had a reason to stay here.

Thania no longer has the pain of dislocated hips. She is no longer tight from Cerebral Palsy. She no longer struggles to drink her formula and she no longer needs a feeding tube. She no longer is suffering here on this earth and for that I praise God.
Thania is now running. She is dancing. She is singing and she is whole.

All of this is great, and it gives me hope for the future... but it dose not mean I am not hurting. I am hurting deeply. I loved that girl with all my heart. Knowing that I will not see her again in this life breaks my heart. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. But life goes on, weather I want it to or not. 

I must love every child I meet with the love I had for Thania. That is the reason I am hear on this earth to love those that God loved. 

Me and my beautiful girl.

Her first night with us.

Eating Rafael's birthday cake.

Laying in her bed.

Bath time + bathing suits = playtime

Church time (sorry for her expression in this pic)

Girls afternoon out... new sunglasses and a hair weave.

Pollo Camparo 

Oh, how I miss those beautiful eyes!

Footy PJ's and top-of-the-head-pony-tails :)
What. A. Blast.

Birthday Buddy's 

Family Picture

My beautiful, Thania. Thank you for teaching me how to love.
I will see you soon. 

Ohio... here I come!

I will be heading back to the states to do some fundraising for my move to Uganda... tickets are booked!!! I will arrive in Ohio on Monday, July 14 and will be there until October 28th.

For a quick (re)summery...
My plan is to move to Uganda early 2015. I will be starting up a home for special needs girls once I get there. Since August I have been serving as as the co-director of Hogar de la Esperanza, here in Guatemala (so I somewhat know what I am getting into). This has been an amazing experience, learning what to do (and some of what not to do). I am taking a leap of faith in moving to Uganda, but it is a leap of faith that I know God wants me to take. So, as I am preparing for my trip to the state, I could really use your help with a few things.

1. A car. If anyone happens to have a functioning vehicle that I could borrow for my time (or for part of my time) I would greatly appreciate it. (If you are hesitant because of not knowing how I drive I will let you know that I have never been in an accident, I have never had a ticket, I have never even been pulled over for any reason at all.)
2. I am going back to fund raise, but while I am there I would also really like to do some work to earn some money throughout the week. If anyone has odd jobs that they would like me to help out with, just let me know. Also, I am more than happy to babysit. I have had plenty of experience with special needs kids (I am fairly comfortable with any needs). I know that parents of special needs kids often have a harder time finding babysitters so they do not as often get out of the house even thought it is so very important. I would really appreciate it if you guys could help me out by spreading the word... I am willing to work as little or as much as possible.
3. If your church, Sunday school or small group would be willing to have me, I would love to find a time to come and speak. I will be living in Troy, Ohio, but if you have dates available for me to speak further away, just let me know.
4. Pray. I need a lot of stuff, a lot of help but most of all I need wisdom and guidance. None of this is the slightest bit possible without God, please help me by standing by me and praying with and for me.

If you would like to contact me about any of these things you can e-mail me at carissa@hopeforhome.org or you can message me on Facebook. Also, if you have any questions or need clarification on any of these things, just let me know.

God bless!

Introducing....

I am pleased to announce that the Fulp family has a new member. I am very happy to introduce Olimpia Sarai. Olimpia is 5 1/2 months old and weighs just under 6 lbs (clearly she is malnourished). She was in a malnutrition ward but since she has Down Syndrome she was not able to stay there. She is so sweet and very curious. She is very weak and can not hold up her head, but she tries very hard. So, here is the beautiful Olimpia...

Her in newborn clothes... just a little big ;) 

Giving her some love :)

Nap time

Olimpia next to Shauna's childhood babydoll

Please pray for Olimpia as she adjusts and  for quick weight gain.

For anyone who dosn't know, we now have a Hogar de la Esperanza facebook page. I try to get on every few days and post a new picture or two. It is just a fun way to see little things that go on in our home. So, feel free to check it out... https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hogar-de-la-Esperanza/392833970857019

Thanks for all your prayers and support, God bless :)

Glorify your name!

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds... Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say?" 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for THIS VERY REASON I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" John 12:24, 27, 28a

As I was doing my devotions the other night I came across this passage and it triggered a prayer. I began to pray with complete abandonment. "Lord, let me die. Let me die to myself that I may bring glory to your name." Let me step away from anything that is me so that I can become what is only you. Let me be so into you that I forget who I have been and who I am. "Let me die." Truly, let me leave this world if that is your will. Let me join you at this very moment if you see fit. To look at your face would be the greatest joy. "Father, glorify your name!" Do whatever is necessary for your name to be lifted up; in my life, in the lives of those around me and in the lives of people all over the world. "I am yours." 
Now, I keep a prayer journal, and every night I end with this. It is a constant reminder to myself that I am here for his work... but, to be completely honest, some nights it is just something I say out of habit and but some nights it is something that I mean with all my heart.  That night, I meant it with everything in me. "I am yours, heart and soul. Do with me and in me what you want so that your name will be glorified." 

I am heading into a very difficult place in my life. In July I will be heading back to the states to fund raise. This is hard for me for a few reasons. One is, I simply hate being in front of people. I am not well spoken when talking to friends, let alone crowds. I get shyer and more uncomfortable than normal when people are looking at me. I don't like public attention, its as simple as that.  Well, I am beginning to sound like Moses.... so I shall stop there, but you get the idea. "Father, be glorified." Heading back to the states is also hard because it is one step closer to me actually going to Uganda. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to go, but I know it will be an incredibly difficult task once I get there... dealing with everything; work visa, finding a house, employees, paper work, the list goes on. My life is going to change drastically in this coming year and that is hard to think about. Next year I will be stepping into the unknown. "Father, glorify your name!" I will pick up all I own, fly half way around the world and start new. I know some of what God wants me to do, but this is a huge leap of faith. I don't have money or resources, but he will provide in his own timing. I am dying to myself... and man does death hurt. "Father, I am yours. Glorify your name!" My job right now it let God change me. Let him knit pick my life. Step back and surrender and he has me die. Now, I should have been letting him to this since the beginning.... but that is a hard step to take. Sometimes it takes a while for full surrender.

"I wanna be lost in you, like a ship in the night... I wanna be so far gone in you, so far nothing else will ever do. I wanna be so far gone in you, in you." So Far Gone, Thousand Foot Kruch

To Christian Guys...

Everyone these days focus on addressing girls, reminding them that they are beautiful. Over the past 6 months I have watched so many videos, advertisements, read blogs and articles addressed to this. Yes, they are needed (for me and for many others), it is very important to remind girls of this... but what about addressing guys? There are a few, very important things guys these days need to hear but are almost never said... so I have taken the liberty of written a few of them out. This is specifically for a few close friends of mine out there, but I hope that others will read this and be encouraged by it also.


For any of you Christian guys out there who feel like you are going unnoticed... For any of you nice guys out there who feel like you are "finishing last"... For any of you guys who have been "friend zoned"... I want you to know a few things...

I know that this world is hard on you, but you are staying strong. Thank you. This would is hard on everyone but your ability to stand is very admirable.

In our society these days modesty is "unnecessary". Girls can walk around in just about anything they want as long as it just barely covers what is necessary. On behalf of all females, I am sorry. I know its hard for you. I see the look on your face when you see a girl dressed inappropriately and your mind immediately takes you somewhere you don't want to be... but more importantly I see your look of disappointment. I see the work it takes for you to refocus your mind. I see the struggles and I see the triumph. I respect that. I know that sometimes you will fail, but your desire to refocus your mind, your perseverance is also very respectable.

I see that you are one of the few guys left out there who has respect for yourself, for your elders and for the girls and woman around you. I see that you are waiting for a great, God seeking woman to marry and I see that you are keeping yourself pure for your her. I see the way you hug your female friends, the same way you would want your future wife to hug her male friends, with respect and honor.

I see your desire to follow God with all your heart. I see you sacrificing yourself for his calling. I see your constant struggle to know His will for your life. I see just how hard, but important is is for you to put this worlds view aside. I see your willingness to give up anything and everything for him.

I see you.
I notice you.

I appreciate you. 

I respect you.

...For every single reason  I listed above, and for many, many more

And please don't give up your morals, your passions or your desire to follow Him. Don't change for a girl or because of your "friends"... be strong and remain who you are because that person is one of the coolest people I know.