Hope for Home Uganda

After an afternoon of coffee and talking with my amazing mother, she brought it to my attention that I have not been very outspoken about what my ministry will look like when I get to Uganda. So, this is just a way for me to speak my mind so you can all see the vision God had put on my heart.


Where:
I am hoping to find a house in a small village right outside of Kampala, Uganda. I know I want to be near Kampala because the best hospitals are there. My desire to to live right outside of the city for a few reasons. First, I am not a city person, and the closer I get to moving the more I dislike the city, so I think that is just Gods way of preparing me. Second of all, I really want to be fully in the culture. Yes, there is strong culture in the city too, but it is different. I very much want to live in a village where I can witness to the community of people there.

When:
My hope is to be there, no later than August of 2015. I was 14 when I first felt God telling me I was going to Uganda. That took a while to set in. But, over the past 7 years God has built a passion and desire in me.... I feel very strongly that my time is very close.

What:
As most of you know, my original plan was to open up a home for special needs girls... this has not changes, but God has been slowly shaping more of a vision in me.
1. (I will just show a little more detail of the home) I plan on having a home for girls with special needs. My goal is to keep it pretty small... maybe 5 or so girls. I want it to be very similar to Hogar de la Esperanza (the home we have here in Guatemala). However, since I am a single girl, I will only be taking in girls and I will not be able to take in as many. I want to keep the home family centered. I will have to have some payed help, but I plan on doing so mostly thought the community, finding ladies in the village that really have a love for children and really need help. I would also love to develop an intern program for people who feel called into missions but are not sure how or where.
2. A few months back God laid a new desire on my heart, to see a church rise up through Hope for Home Uganda. In Uganda (along with a lot of other poor countries) the prosperity gospel is very strong. You will often come across people who are confused because they are trying to follow God, but there child has special needs and they don't have money for food. When I was in Uganda I visited 6 different churches... only 2 of them seemed to preach the true gospel. My desire is to have a church that families who have children with special needs can feel welcomed and loved. A church that will tell them the truth, that sometimes God just puts us thought hard situations, but he has a plan through it all. The church needs to step up and be a safe place for all people.
3. I would also like to have part of the ministry that will be for educating families of special needs children. I would love to see families who know how to care for their children, but have someone to call if they are having trouble. A family is always the best place for a child, and if we can leave them with their family that is the best.... often they are not trying to be neglectful to their children, they simply need help to know how to care for them. I am not exactly sure what form this portion of the ministry will take, but I feel very strongly that down the road it will be a large part of Hope for Home Uganda.

Who is sending me:
I will be going under Hope for Home. Over the past year or two, I have been trying to figure how I wanted to get over there. I feel very strongly that going under Hope for Home is Gods desire for me. It sounds like the "easy way" but its not. I will be the first one in Uganda that is associated with Hope for Home, so there will be a lot of paper work to get established over there (as opposed to me going and joining someone that is already over there).

There is no way I can do this alone. God has given me a strong and HUGE vision that I can not do by myself.
Ways you can help:
1. (Lets get the worst one out of the way) Money. I can't get started until I have enough money for a plane ticket and basic living over there. Once I get there I will need much more money for start up costs and preparing to receive children, but God has a way of working things out.  Would you  (or your church, small group, Sunday school class, etc.) consider a one-time gift or monthly sponsorship to support this new ministry?  Your gifts can be sent to the Hope for Home Ministries (info here http://hopeforhome.org/Donate.html), with "Uganda ministry" on the memo line, and will be tax deductible.
2. (Obviously) Prayer. Nothing can be done without Gods help, please would you consider being prayer partners with me as I go?
3. Help any way you feel called. Like I said, the vision is big. God gives us all gifts and talents. Would you all take some time to pray and see what God could be calling you to do. Just consider that maybe God has the desire for you to be a part of Hope for Home. I would love to hear for different people in ways they feel like God is calling them to help.
4. I am also working on constructing a list of a few things I need. If you are interested in providing money for a specific item, please e-mail me at carissa@hopeforhome.org .

Thank you all, so much, for your time and prayer. It means a lot to me to know I already have a prayer base before I even get over there. God bless.

Embracing the Pain

First of all I want to say, I have been working on this post for about 2 month now. I keep coming back to it, deleting parts of it and re-writing, then deleting and changing. So, after of all that I really, REALLY hope it all makes sense and it gets my point across... but if it seems to get a little confusing at points, I am sorry and please just bear with me.

For all who don't already know, I really love movies. I especially love Marvel moves.... so great! Well, often when I watch moves I notice cool meaning in them.... this blog post is stemmed from something in X-Men Days of Future Past. So, "spoiler alert!" (I talk about a conversation from it, but its not telling anything very important to the plot of the movie.) Basically, through a very strange series of events, 1973 Charles Xavier and 2014(?) Charles Xavier are face to face. Young Charles (choking back tears) explains why he shut the world out and turned away from what he once believed in.

Young Charles - "I opened my mind and it almost overwhelmed me."... "All those voices. So much pain."

Old Charles - "...and as frightening as it may be, that pain will make you strong if you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it. It will make you more powerful than you ever imagined. It's the greatest gift we have; to bear their pain without breaking and its born from the most human part. Hope."

So, LIFE....
From a normal persons point of view:
(To quote the mean kid from Barnyard) "I do what I want, when I want cause I wanna do it!" This is basically the way people think; if you don't agree with every single little thing I think and say then that's fine, don't be my friend (which is quite a childish thing to say, but back to the point).
If any risky variables (people or situations) exist, simply eliminate it from your life = no chance of getting hurt.

From a logical persons point of view:
If possible, it is easiest to just avoid any chance of pain. So, simplest life would be to have a few, healthy, smart, well-off people around us (people like that are not likely to walk off the deep end).
Small amount of risky variables = Small chance of being hurt.

From a normal Christians point of view:
Jesus surrounded himself with everyone... sinners and all. So, life would be easiest if we could just surround ourselves with the "well-off" people I mentioned before and with just a few non-Christians that we want to lead to Christ. Putting ourselves in the "middle ground", allowing ourselves to be in situations that will hurt us, but keeping it in a controlled setting.
Medium amount of risky variables = Medium change of being hurt.

But God calls us to be so much more, to do so much more...
How a normal, Christian should look at it:
Jesus surrounded himself not only with sinners but with the demon possessed, the sick, the injured, the dying. The worst people you can imagine in the worst of circumstance.
Large amount of risky variables = Large chance of being hurt... over and over and over again.

God calls us to look after orphans and widows. He calls us to love the "unlovable". He calls us to go directly to the sick and the helpless, to go into the filth and the grime (figuratively and physically). He asks us to put ourselves in the most vulnerable of situations, turn to Him, and keep our eyes focused there.... that, my friends, is no easy task.


(Genesis 37-45) Joseph seemed to have a fantastic life ahead of him, he was the favorite child and, because of this, he got nice things.... but then a roller coaster was on the way. His brothers decide to sell him (down the roller coaster he goes), but the Lord had his hand on him so Potiphar took him in and put him in charge of all he owned (up). Next thing you know, he has Potiphar's wife trying to sleep with him, he refrains (which I am sure was no easy task.... Good job, buddy, we are all proud of you) but then she lies to her husband about him and Potiphar puts him in jail (down). But even in jail, God blesses him by granting him favor in the eyes of the warden, who puts him in charge of all who are being held in prison (a little upward). His luck looked like it might change when he interpenetrates a dream for someone who will be working closely with Pharaoh, but no change (downwards once again). After 2 more years in prison (continue downward decent), Pharaoh finally calls him to interpret a few dreams. Through this he becomes Pharaohs right hand man (up he goes). Next thing you know, his brothers arrive but don't recognize him.... lots of traveling for the brothers.... then finally Joseph told them... (Genesis 45:4-8)
"I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God."

Joseph had to do the difficult thing (what Old Charles told young Charles), he had to embrace the pain. Through the years of difficulty and pain, through the ups and downs, through the lies and hurt of the ones he cared about, he embraced the pain. It would have been very easy to be angry with Potaphar for not believing him, or the guy who got out of prison and forgot about him, and most of all with his brothers for selling him.... but in the end he realized that with the first terrible thing that happened, by his brothers betrayal, he was able to save so many lives. If he would have run away at the first sign of pain, when he first realized that his brothers didn't like him.... he would have been spared so much pain, but he would have missed out on God's amazing plan that was so much bigger than him.

If I am being honest with myself, I often feel tempted to keep myself guarded. I have have been made fun of and I have been criticized. I have been  hurt by many people who were very close to me. I have held malnourished children and seen the faces of hurting parents. I have visited the worst of living conditions and seen pain in others eyes. I have had to bury 2 sisters within the past year. These things are hard and the easiest response is to say what young Charles did "I opened my mind (or heart) and it almost overwhelmed me."... "So much pain." I have wanted to say these words and walk away so many times, but I can't. The pain must continue. I am going to move to Uganda next year to open a home for special needs girls. It is very likely that I will see (and experience) pain and hurt, starvation and death. That is not easy to think about. When we lost Thania I felt like my world was ending.... and now I have to think about the fact that I may have to go through that again? That kills me...
But we must be vulnerable, not for ourselves but for others. We must go to the filth, we must get out of our comfort zone.... if we don't, we are not portraying Him correctly.


So, what is the next step for me? I pick myself up and I continue on the path He has for me. That does not mean that I forget about all the pain I went through. No matter how hard I try, I can't forget some of the hurtful words that were said to me, the living conditions I have witnessed or the pain I have seen. And in no way will I EVER forget Thania or Esperanza or any of the other loved ones I have lost. I do know that He has a greater plan for me than I can ever imagine, but if I continue wallowing in self-pity I will never see this fantastic plan.

So, my job now is to embrace the pain he has put in my life...

I do it so I can better relate to others. 

I do it to remind myself that every moment is precious. 

I do it so others can see that God can use someone who is so, completely broken.

I do it to continually remind myself that I am not in control of my life.

I do it to remind myself and to show others the hope that we all have in Christ.

"It's the greatest gift we have; to bear their pain without breaking."

Side note, sorry that it has taken so long, but within the next few days I will be doing a blog post talking about my vision for what Hope for Home Uganda will look like, prayer requests and ways to help. So, please stay posted for information concerning that :)

Prayerful Surrender

When he [Jesus] came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."
Matthew 8:1-2

Now, many of us know this story, its a very well known one, Jesus heals the leper. I have heard/read this story so many times, but the other night as I read it the mans words stood out to me. He did not say, "Make me clean" or "Please heal me"... instead he says 4 very simple and very sacrificial words, "if you are willing".

As humans we get it in our minds that we know whats best for us. So often we pray, "God, please..." or "I pray that you will..." but where is the sense of surrender? As Christians we have surrendered our lives to Him for better or worst. So, sometimes God has bigger plans than we have for ourselves. Sometimes we think we need something (like being healed of a disease) but he has bigger plans, and maybe his plans include you being sick.

Okay, I will get a little personal here. Like most females, I have always had the desire to get married, but unlike most females I do not assume that one day I will get married (just a personal thing God has put on my heart, I am in no way bashing on anyone that assumes they will get married). A few years ago I realized that I was expecting God to send me a husband... that's just stupid, he does not owe me anything (again, just saying for myself, not for everyone). So, I started thinking differently, instead of saying "when I get married" I changed it to "if I get married". I also started praying differently... "if it is your will, send me a husband" and even "if it is your will, help him to like me but if not help my feelings to change" (stuff like that). But it gets a little more confusing than that, because sometimes God simply want us to come to him and ask him for what we want.

So, I am working very hard to change the way I pray... it is taking some time to change what has (sadly) become somewhat of a habit, but I am working on it.
By praying "Lord, if you are willing, you can..." surrenders the whole situation to him. 1. It tells him what you want 2.it says that you trust his judgment and 3. you are surrendering all at the same time.

So I encourage you to personally figure out if/how you should change the way you pray. We are all different, if you agree with the things I have said, great... if not, simply figure out how you should make your prayers more personal... less stereotypical.

...Let your will be done, Lord.

Sculpted

I am so far out of my normal schedule that I forgot I had a blog, so sorry.
Quick update (as most, if not all, of you know)... I'm in the United States of America! I am fundraising for my move to Uganda and for the home I will be opening there. So if you would like me to speak at your church within the next month, please e-mail me at carissa@hopeforhome.org

Okay, for my real blog post, I want to share what God was showing me today as I did my devotions....
"Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom., to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguished between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines." 1 Corinthians 12:7-11

All these are the work of 

one

and

the

same

Spirit.

He gives them to each one,

just as HE determines.

...but this is not just about talents. This is also appearance and personality; the things we like about ourselves and the things we hate. God has handpicked every little thing about us. He has sculpted us into the people we are... so why do we try so hard to change ourselves? (just a quick "disclaimer": If you don't like something about yourself and that thing is a result of sin, obviously God did not make you like that and you need to change it. Sin is a totally different story.)

To be honest, there are a lot of things I don't like about myself. I don't like my laugh or my lack of musical talent. I don't like my hair, or that I'm not a size 4. I don't like the sound of my voice on video and I don't like it that I have trouble focusing when I try to read (and there are many more things). But the same God that gave each of us gifts and talents is the same God that picked my dress size. He is the same God that hand picked my personality and my quirks. He was the one that decided that a friend giving me Pop Rocks could totally make my day, and he is the one that decided that I would have an obsession with Classic Disney movies and Elvis.  I am a very unique person, and I might not always like that... but the moment I try to change myself, that is the moment that I am spitting in Gods face and trying to tell him that he made me wrong. 

"HE determines" not me. 

"Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, 'because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 

BUT IN FACT

GOD HAS ARRANGED THE PARTS IN THE BODY, 

EVERY ONE OF THEM, 

JUST AS HE WANTED THEM TO BE."

(1 Corinthians 12:14-20)

This is a hard thing to accept sometimes. We are who we are because He wanted us to be this way. Its as simple as that. It often takes reminders, we often refuse to accept it, but there is no denying this fact.

You are sculpted by Him. Every little part of you; the things you like and the things you don't, he took time to make you perfect.

Don't change what he took time to make.

Don't try to change his masterpiece. 

If you have not heard this song yet, you need to hear it. It's amazing! Great sound and even better lyrics. 

What if...

On Sunday afternoon our sweet, beautiful Thania passed away. She started getting a respiratory infection 2 days ago, but it seemed like no big deal. That morning I stayed home from church with her, Angelita (who is also a little stick) and Christian (he dosnt always sit very well through church, so since a few of us were home, I decided to keep him home also.) Thania was not breathing fantastically, but nothing to be too concerned about... but suddenly it got worst. I called the family (who were on the way from church) and I pulled out her feeding tube... as soon as Dad got home (just a few min behind the rest of the family) we hopped in the van to head to the hospital... less then a min down the road, it felt like the whole world stopped. I began panicking and told Dad that she stopped breathing. He immediately pulled over came back and started doing CPR. He kept her alive until the ambulance got there, they grabbed her... and put her in the ambulance (my dad going with them). After some vehicle issues, my mom and I arrived at the hospital only to be greeted at the door by my father.... he was shaking his head.
That was it.
Thania was with Jesus.
My world spun.
I have never felt that kind of pain, that kind of grief.

After a few very long hours, my dad returned home... only to head back to the hospital again in the morning. Late morning dad returned home, this time with her body. We were told that the results of the biopsy showed that (we believe) she had had un-diagnosed cystic fibrosis (which explains why it went from a cold and escalated so quickly.

From the moment she stopped breathing in my arms, in the back of my dads truck, I began to think of all kids of "what if"s that continued for the next few hours.
What if I had called dad earlier?
What if I had emphasized my fear or my urgency?
What if we had taken her to the doctor the moment the cold showed up?
What if the geneticist that she visited a few months ago had noticed her condition?
What if....
What if....
What if....

But within no time I realized that all my "what if"s where completely pointless.
It would not have mattered if I called dad earlier or emphasized my fears. It would not have mattered if the family doctor or the geneticist had noticed anything.... none of that mattered the least bit. I know this because I trust God... I dont understand him, but I trust him. Thania's time here on earth was complete. She no longer had a reason to stay here.

Thania no longer has the pain of dislocated hips. She is no longer tight from Cerebral Palsy. She no longer struggles to drink her formula and she no longer needs a feeding tube. She no longer is suffering here on this earth and for that I praise God.
Thania is now running. She is dancing. She is singing and she is whole.

All of this is great, and it gives me hope for the future... but it dose not mean I am not hurting. I am hurting deeply. I loved that girl with all my heart. Knowing that I will not see her again in this life breaks my heart. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. But life goes on, weather I want it to or not. 

I must love every child I meet with the love I had for Thania. That is the reason I am hear on this earth to love those that God loved. 

Me and my beautiful girl.

Her first night with us.

Eating Rafael's birthday cake.

Laying in her bed.

Bath time + bathing suits = playtime

Church time (sorry for her expression in this pic)

Girls afternoon out... new sunglasses and a hair weave.

Pollo Camparo 

Oh, how I miss those beautiful eyes!

Footy PJ's and top-of-the-head-pony-tails :)
What. A. Blast.

Birthday Buddy's 

Family Picture

My beautiful, Thania. Thank you for teaching me how to love.
I will see you soon. 

Ohio... here I come!

I will be heading back to the states to do some fundraising for my move to Uganda... tickets are booked!!! I will arrive in Ohio on Monday, July 14 and will be there until October 28th.

For a quick (re)summery...
My plan is to move to Uganda early 2015. I will be starting up a home for special needs girls once I get there. Since August I have been serving as as the co-director of Hogar de la Esperanza, here in Guatemala (so I somewhat know what I am getting into). This has been an amazing experience, learning what to do (and some of what not to do). I am taking a leap of faith in moving to Uganda, but it is a leap of faith that I know God wants me to take. So, as I am preparing for my trip to the state, I could really use your help with a few things.

1. A car. If anyone happens to have a functioning vehicle that I could borrow for my time (or for part of my time) I would greatly appreciate it. (If you are hesitant because of not knowing how I drive I will let you know that I have never been in an accident, I have never had a ticket, I have never even been pulled over for any reason at all.)
2. I am going back to fund raise, but while I am there I would also really like to do some work to earn some money throughout the week. If anyone has odd jobs that they would like me to help out with, just let me know. Also, I am more than happy to babysit. I have had plenty of experience with special needs kids (I am fairly comfortable with any needs). I know that parents of special needs kids often have a harder time finding babysitters so they do not as often get out of the house even thought it is so very important. I would really appreciate it if you guys could help me out by spreading the word... I am willing to work as little or as much as possible.
3. If your church, Sunday school or small group would be willing to have me, I would love to find a time to come and speak. I will be living in Troy, Ohio, but if you have dates available for me to speak further away, just let me know.
4. Pray. I need a lot of stuff, a lot of help but most of all I need wisdom and guidance. None of this is the slightest bit possible without God, please help me by standing by me and praying with and for me.

If you would like to contact me about any of these things you can e-mail me at carissa@hopeforhome.org or you can message me on Facebook. Also, if you have any questions or need clarification on any of these things, just let me know.

God bless!

Introducing....

I am pleased to announce that the Fulp family has a new member. I am very happy to introduce Olimpia Sarai. Olimpia is 5 1/2 months old and weighs just under 6 lbs (clearly she is malnourished). She was in a malnutrition ward but since she has Down Syndrome she was not able to stay there. She is so sweet and very curious. She is very weak and can not hold up her head, but she tries very hard. So, here is the beautiful Olimpia...

Her in newborn clothes... just a little big ;) 

Giving her some love :)

Nap time

Olimpia next to Shauna's childhood babydoll

Please pray for Olimpia as she adjusts and  for quick weight gain.

For anyone who dosn't know, we now have a Hogar de la Esperanza facebook page. I try to get on every few days and post a new picture or two. It is just a fun way to see little things that go on in our home. So, feel free to check it out... https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hogar-de-la-Esperanza/392833970857019

Thanks for all your prayers and support, God bless :)

Glorify your name!

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds... Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say?" 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for THIS VERY REASON I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" John 12:24, 27, 28a

As I was doing my devotions the other night I came across this passage and it triggered a prayer. I began to pray with complete abandonment. "Lord, let me die. Let me die to myself that I may bring glory to your name." Let me step away from anything that is me so that I can become what is only you. Let me be so into you that I forget who I have been and who I am. "Let me die." Truly, let me leave this world if that is your will. Let me join you at this very moment if you see fit. To look at your face would be the greatest joy. "Father, glorify your name!" Do whatever is necessary for your name to be lifted up; in my life, in the lives of those around me and in the lives of people all over the world. "I am yours." 
Now, I keep a prayer journal, and every night I end with this. It is a constant reminder to myself that I am here for his work... but, to be completely honest, some nights it is just something I say out of habit and but some nights it is something that I mean with all my heart.  That night, I meant it with everything in me. "I am yours, heart and soul. Do with me and in me what you want so that your name will be glorified." 

I am heading into a very difficult place in my life. In July I will be heading back to the states to fund raise. This is hard for me for a few reasons. One is, I simply hate being in front of people. I am not well spoken when talking to friends, let alone crowds. I get shyer and more uncomfortable than normal when people are looking at me. I don't like public attention, its as simple as that.  Well, I am beginning to sound like Moses.... so I shall stop there, but you get the idea. "Father, be glorified." Heading back to the states is also hard because it is one step closer to me actually going to Uganda. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to go, but I know it will be an incredibly difficult task once I get there... dealing with everything; work visa, finding a house, employees, paper work, the list goes on. My life is going to change drastically in this coming year and that is hard to think about. Next year I will be stepping into the unknown. "Father, glorify your name!" I will pick up all I own, fly half way around the world and start new. I know some of what God wants me to do, but this is a huge leap of faith. I don't have money or resources, but he will provide in his own timing. I am dying to myself... and man does death hurt. "Father, I am yours. Glorify your name!" My job right now it let God change me. Let him knit pick my life. Step back and surrender and he has me die. Now, I should have been letting him to this since the beginning.... but that is a hard step to take. Sometimes it takes a while for full surrender.

"I wanna be lost in you, like a ship in the night... I wanna be so far gone in you, so far nothing else will ever do. I wanna be so far gone in you, in you." So Far Gone, Thousand Foot Kruch

To Christian Guys...

Everyone these days focus on addressing girls, reminding them that they are beautiful. Over the past 6 months I have watched so many videos, advertisements, read blogs and articles addressed to this. Yes, they are needed (for me and for many others), it is very important to remind girls of this... but what about addressing guys? There are a few, very important things guys these days need to hear but are almost never said... so I have taken the liberty of written a few of them out. This is specifically for a few close friends of mine out there, but I hope that others will read this and be encouraged by it also.


For any of you Christian guys out there who feel like you are going unnoticed... For any of you nice guys out there who feel like you are "finishing last"... For any of you guys who have been "friend zoned"... I want you to know a few things...

I know that this world is hard on you, but you are staying strong. Thank you. This would is hard on everyone but your ability to stand is very admirable.

In our society these days modesty is "unnecessary". Girls can walk around in just about anything they want as long as it just barely covers what is necessary. On behalf of all females, I am sorry. I know its hard for you. I see the look on your face when you see a girl dressed inappropriately and your mind immediately takes you somewhere you don't want to be... but more importantly I see your look of disappointment. I see the work it takes for you to refocus your mind. I see the struggles and I see the triumph. I respect that. I know that sometimes you will fail, but your desire to refocus your mind, your perseverance is also very respectable.

I see that you are one of the few guys left out there who has respect for yourself, for your elders and for the girls and woman around you. I see that you are waiting for a great, God seeking woman to marry and I see that you are keeping yourself pure for your her. I see the way you hug your female friends, the same way you would want your future wife to hug her male friends, with respect and honor.

I see your desire to follow God with all your heart. I see you sacrificing yourself for his calling. I see your constant struggle to know His will for your life. I see just how hard, but important is is for you to put this worlds view aside. I see your willingness to give up anything and everything for him.

I see you.
I notice you.

I appreciate you. 

I respect you.

...For every single reason  I listed above, and for many, many more

And please don't give up your morals, your passions or your desire to follow Him. Don't change for a girl or because of your "friends"... be strong and remain who you are because that person is one of the coolest people I know. 

Surrendering to the Insane

Is picking up a family of 11 and moving to Guatemala crazy? Yes

Is heading to Uganda as a single girl nuts? Of course.
Is starting up a home for special needs girls on the other side of the world insane? Absolutely.
Is it all worth it?

No doubt about it.

People seem to think that the moment you leave behind the securities of a job, or insurance, or a home, etc. that you have lost your mind or are simply being reckless... (Lost your mind, maybe ;) )  Being reckless? No. There is a big difference between being reckless and trusting God.

When I was in Uganda last year, I constantly  had people asking me if I was being careful and safe.... but in reality, those are two different things. You can be careful but not necessarily safe. That is (in some ways) what it is to live life. You take precautions... but if you avoid anything that could turn into a dangerous situation, well that's not living (you would simply become the boy in the plastic bubble, and that's not living that's just not dying) . You take a step of faith and pray that Gods will be done. You should not necessarily pray for safety... Gods will and safety do not always line up.

God calls us to role up our sleeves and get our hands dirty. God calls us to step out of our comfort zone. God calls us to live dangerously. God calls us to do crazy things.

I cant help but think of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Frodo (a seemingly common and useless hobbit) was called to take a journey to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. So, he went. He didn't know how he was going to get there. He didn't know the dangers that he was going to face. He didn't know how long it was going to take. He didn't know if he would ever make it back home. But he went. 

Then you can take it even a step further with Samwise. Sam didn't really seem to have a big part in it all (at first glance). Frodo was asked to carry the ring, Sam kinda just tagged along for the fun of it. He didn't have to go, he wasn't asked to go.... he chose to go (and he stuck with it to the end even thought he could have turned around at any moment and headed home). He went to support his friend. And when the going got tough and Frodo couldn't continue, Sam was there to press on. He was there to carry Frodo.

So, the question is....

Am I Frodo? - Am I heading on this journey simply because I am called to?

Am I Sam? - Am I going on this journey because I want to? Because I want to be there for those who need me?

Or am I all the hobbits living in the Shire missing out on the most amazing and difficult journey anyone could ever imagine?

In the beginning of working towards Uganda... I was simply doing this because I knew its what God wanted.... but that very quickly changed after visiting. I am now going because I know (without a doubt) that is where God wants me to be... but not only that, because more than anything else, I want to be there. I left a part of my heart there in Uganda. I want to live in a country where kids run up to me yelling "Mazungu" (what they call white people). I want to be stained with the red dirt of Ugandan earth. I want to be the American that can speak Luganda (no matter how long it takes me) and can hold up a conversations with families in the villages. I want to be the light of God to people who are told there is no hope for them or for their child. I want to be a mom to as many special needs kids that He brings to me. I want to be the hands and feet of God there in Uganda... It dose not matter how hard it is. It does not matter how much studying it takes. It dose not matter how many people advise me not to (which is growing continually). It doesn't matter how messy and terrifying the job becomes. 

It doesn't matter how crazy it sound. 

I am surrendering to the insane. 

Once of my favorite songs (and the "inspiration" for this blog post) Something Crazy, by Steven Curtis Chapman 

I would also like to take a minute to do a quick update on my journey to Uganda. I am planning on moving to Uganda in the first half of 2015. Before I go, I have to head back to the United States for fundraising. I am in the process of figuring out some stuff, followed by booking flights. I am looking at being in the Ohio area for 2 or 3 months (starting probably mid July). More details on this within a week or two, but please keep me in your thought and prayers. Thank you all.

Raquel and Esther

 This afternoon we received 2 new Fulp members. Raquel (in pink) and Esther (in purple) are 2 years old (obviously twins) and quite the spirited little girls. They are very happy at one moment and screaming their little hearts out the next, but with some time they will adjust (they are slowly getting their).

Here are a 2 short videos to see and hear the girls :)

Esperanza

Sorry this is so overdue, a LOT has been going on. We had a fantastic Christmas (I will get some pictures up hopefully sometime in the next week). But, as most of you already know, we lost our little Esperanza. At around 1 PM on Monday, January 6th our worlds were turned upside down. But, I believe without a doubt that this is Gods will. Esperanza can now see, she can run and laugh, she can dance and sing. She is in the arms of her loving maker. Shes is by far happier now than she ever was with us. This is very hard for her, but to honor her joy, I want to show you just a few of the happy moments with her. This is in honor of the time we DID get to spent with her.

We did every thing with little Esperanza...

We read....

We played...

We celebrated her 6 month birthday....

We watched the world Series...

Even though our Cubs didn't make it...

We went to the zoo...

We introduced her to our friends...

We celebrated Christmas...

We opened presents....

We decorated cupcakes....

We ate pizza...

We took naps....

We watched TV...

The other kids loved her too...

She was our beautiful little girl...

You are greatly missed, Esperanza.