Miracle of the Moment

Before I get into the actual post a few side notes...
1. This is a difficult post for me to write. Because of this my thoughts may not be very organized. I am sorry if my writing sounds scatterbrained, believe me I tried to make it as clear as possible, but when you are very emotional…. Well there is really no telling what the outcome will be. 
2. A few weeks ago, a friend suggested a book to me Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie. I am about half way through it (you have to read slowly because it is an emotionally difficult book to read). Nancy and her husband lost there baby girl, and this book was her way of explaining why God lets bad things happen to good people. I have used some quotes from it, so anytime you see something underlined it is from this book
3. I am referencing multiple Steven Curtis Chapman songs because they are so spot on, I can't help but post them. (Not that he is ever going to see this but here are a few words to him) Thank you so much, for the ministry you have done for so many years. Your songs, your words, your example has helped me and my family through so much, you have literally changed the direction of our lives. Thank you for being such an amazing example and encouragement to everyone around you.

It has been 1 year since Thania has passed.
52 Weeks since I have held her in my arms.
365 days since I have seen her beautiful eyes.
It has been 1 year since Thania has seen Jesus face to face.
52 weeks since she last experienced pain.
365 days since she has been fully healed.

She is completed now, she is healed, she is running and jumping and dancing with Jesus...
Meanwhile, I am still here, overtaken by grief.

“My Strength is dried up…”
“But you, O Lord, be no far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.”
Psalm 22:15, 19

When you loose someone that is so close to you, everyday tasks become hard. Picking out clothes for the other kids became a task that I choked back tears for, because every night I had to look at her shelf with all her beautiful bright colored clothes, knowing I would never get to see her in them again. Tucking the kids in for nap or bed was so hard because I would go in to give kisses and there was her empty bed. But perhaps the hardest is church. I still have moments during the worship time that I turn to pick her up so I can hold her and dance with her, and when I do she is not there. Everything reminds me of her, which makes life unbearably hard.

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you…. Because my hope is in you.” 

Psalm 25:16, 17, 20, 21

"If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose."

This is often one of the hardest things to remember. But I know with all my heart, that God was glorified in the life and death of Thania... if that was not the case she would still be here. I don't know if on this earth I will ever get to see the reason why God took Thania when he did, but I trust that when I get to heaven he will show me why. All I can do now is trust in his perfect plan even when it is hard. 

"Though those who put Jesus on the cross meant to do evil against him, God used it for good, in order to bring many to himself. The Cross, then, is the ultimate example of God's ability to work all things together for good-even the most wicked deed Darkness ever conceived."

We must learn to dwell on what we once had, instead of dwelling on what is lost.

The tiniest, most normal moments of when that person was with you become such great memories after they are gone. The smallest things very quickly can turn into the most treasured moments. 

Like, one afternoon, we pulled out a notebook and were drawing together, I hadn’t thought much about that afternoon, until (as I was packing for Uganda) I came across our picture. It is now one of my most favorite possessions.

I just came across this picture (right) yesterday... I loved that afternoon. It was back when she was still in her suborn mode, so I just snuggled her and watched watched my very favorite episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (The One Where No One's Ready).

An afternoon at the park... goofy sleeper time... silly selfies...

Drawing on our faces with a highlighter... hearing her lovely laugh... such great memories.

“So breathe it in and breath it out, listen to your heartbeat. There's a wonder in the here and now, it's right there in front of you, and I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment. And if it brings you tears then taste them as they fall, let them soften your heart. And if it brings you laughter then throw your head back and let it go, let it go…. You gotta let it go. ” 

Miracle of the Moment, Steven Curtis Chapman

"Despite our feelings of discouragement we can hold on to God's promises, hold on to what we know about who he is and how he works. Even though we don't understand, and it is so dark we cannot see to take a step forward, we can choose to hang on, to keep trusting, to keep believing God's Word."

"Trusting God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no answer, when there is only darkness-this is the kind of faith God values perhaps most of all. This is the kid of faith that can only be developed and displayed in the midst of difficult circumstances. This is the kind of faith that cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken."

When grief overtakes you, all you can do is turn to God. In him is the only relief. Relief will not come overnight, it may take months, it may take years.... it may never come, just keep your eyes fixed on Him. He is the lighthouse that will keep you from sinking.

"It's all Your God, Your God, everything is Yours

From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor

and it's all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours

You'rs the make and keeper, Father and ruler of everything

It's all Yours

I've walked the valley of death's shadow

So deep and dark that I could barely breathe

I've had to let go of more than I could bear

And I questioned everything that I believe
But still even here

in this great darkness 

A comfort and hope come breaking through

As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.

And we are Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor

and it's all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours!"
Yours (with added verse) Steven Curtis Chapman

Let the Ships Burn

I have been wanting to do this blog post for a few days now (I actually have had this update planned for months, but now that I am here I can actually write and post it). This is a short post, not because I view it as unimportant (this is so, very important to me), but when you have something so important sometimes the simpler the better.  

-The hardships of the new world made them restless and weak. Quietly they whisper, Let’s sail back to the life we knew. But the one who lead them there would say...
Burn the Ships were here to stay, there’s no way we could go back now that we’ve come this far by faith. Burn the ships we’ve passed the point of no return. Our life is here so let the ships burn.-

I have been told by so many people “when you get married, don’t ever view divorce as an option. If it is in your mind that there is a back door, you will take it sooner or later.” Well, I 100% agree with that. When the trials and difficulties come around there should be no back door. All you can do is turn to God and look for your next step.

His calling causes us to burn the ships. You listen, you follow, and you NEVER turn back.

I am burning the ships. I know 100% that Uganda is where I am supposed to be. So this is where I am. I will not move back to the U.S. and I will not move back to Guatemala. Will I visit? Absolutely! My friends and family is there (I will actually be heading to Guatemala in October for my sister’s wedding)... But moving back is in no way in the near future. Years down the road, God might say to me, “ok, your job here is done... go______.” But unless I get a very clear message like that, this is my home. This is my life.

My life is here so let the ships burn.

The Plan

Hello all. For anyone who does not know, I am not yet in Uganda. I left Guatemala on Monday (June 1st) and am spending a few days in Pennsylvania with my grandparents and sister. I will be flying out on Friday (June 5th) and will be arriving on Saturday evening (Ugandan time).

The plan once I get there....
I will be spending a week or two with a friend of mine in Jinja. This will give me some time to get readjusted to the time change and culture overall. After that, I will be heading to Kampala to begin house hunting. At this point, I am still trying to figure out where I will be staying (my plans have fallen through) but looking for someone to help me look for a house.

This move will be a step by step process so after I found a house I do not know exactly what my life will look like (I am making tentative plans), but I trust that God will give me each step in His timing. Thank you all for your prayer and support. I will try my best to update you shortly after I get to Uganda.

UGANDA, HERE I COME!

Date picked.
Tickets booked.
Let the packing commence!

On June 6th I will be arriving in Uganda and I can't wait! This move is something that I have been working towards for so, very long and it's almost here! (For anyone who would like to read about my plans, I did a blog post in December called Hope for Home Uganda)

To walk the red dirt roads....
To hear the little village kids yelling "mazungu" (what they call white people)...
To see the stunningly green fields....
To look into the big, beautiful eyes of a little Ugandan child as they look up at me with their gorgeous, white smiles....
To hear the voices of African children singing "hallelujah!"....

My heart is happy..... and I haven't even arrived yet!

I could use your help!

As you can assume, money is necessary. If you feel God is leading you to help, that would be greatly appreciated. Basic living costs, setting up house, necessary equipment, etc, this is not going to be cheep and anything you can do would be very helpful.
Right now, one of the biggest things is simply prayer. Moving to the other side of the world, being away from my family and the kids in our home is not going to be easy at all. Please be praying that I will very quickly find a church and great, supportive friends that can help me through this all. I am also going to need a house and a car very quickly, please pray for wisdom and discernment on my part as to know what steps to take and when. Lastly, please pray for direction as I am setting up house and getting Hope for Home established there in Uganda. It will not be an easy task and that is not my strong point, but I trust that God will hep me through it all. Please pray for Gods will to be done each step of the way.

For everyone that has helped me and has committed to helping me along the way, thank you very much. Words can not express just how much I appreciate your support. 

Let hope live once more.

Then Jesus told them, "This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.' But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee." Matthew 26:31-32

"But after" How can two small, simple words provide such hope?

I will leave you, you will suffer, you will be scattered, all may seem lost... But after.... Wow! Will things get better! I will come back! I will prepare the way!    Hope is not lost.

Everywhere you look these days seems like hopeless situations... broken relationships, broken families, churches being corrupted by false teachings, countless abortions, persecuted Christians, etc. ....just remember, the story is not over. Our "but after..." is still coming. For some of us it may be tomorrow, for others it could be a few years down the road, for others... well some of us may not see our "after" till we leave is life. But hope will lead us on.

Let hope live once more.

Laughing in the face of God

I am sure you have already heard this story, but I want to tell you again, in a slighting different way. Moses and his story is my favorite, with Egypt and Midian, Zipporah and Aaron, the plagues and the Red Sea... everything. I don't like it because it's an enjoyable story... It is actually not that much of an enjoyable story at all. It is full of difficulties and trials, slaves and murderers, people tortured and running from the past, plagues and deaths.... countless deaths. (Yes, it's got a great ending, but a lot of terrible stuff had to happen for that happy ending.) But the story of Moses and the burning bush is just about my favorite because out of all the people in the bible, I feel like I can most relate to Moses. So, to show exactly what I mean, I have taken Exodus 3:1-4:17 and compacted it to be much simpler.

God - "I am sending you to...."
Moses - "Who am I, that I should go..." (Moses "laughing" in the face of God)
God - "I will be with you."
Moses - "Suppose...."
God - "Say.... Go.... Do....  I will...."
Moses - "What if...."
God - Do this.... Do that.... Then do....
Moses - "O Lord, I have never been eloquent...."
God - "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Moses - "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."
God (filled with anger) says that he will send someone to help him.

When I was first called to Uganda,  my "conversation" with God went something like....
God - Go...
Me - Ummmm... What? (me "laughing" in the face of God)
God - I will help you...
Me - But I don't want to....
God - I will take care of you...
Me - But I can't....
God - I have it under control....
Me - But I'm scared....
God - Trust me....
Me - But what if....
God - I will be with you....
Me - But what about....
This went on for about 3 months, until I think he was so tired of me arguing that He made it so clear that I couldn't say no. So, as you can see, I can relate to Moses. When I read his story I am reminded about how stubborn I was (and still can be) the difference between me and Moses, he argued with God for a few minutes.... mine was a few months.

How often dose God tells us to do something (big or small) and we say, "No, Lord"? We take such a simple task of trusting our creator and make it such a huge thing.
But you know what.... I once heard a pastor say something that stuck with me. If you say "no, Lord" that means He is not really your Lord.
That is so, very true. "Lord" is "a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler." If you take away the authority, control, or power..... he would just be another person.

The biggest question is...
Why are we so stubborn that the moment the God of this universe (the same God that crated us, brought us to this time and place, the same God that we often sing praises to, and the same God that we claim to live our lives completely for).... when he said "Go" we laugh in His face and say "No, Lord."

When he says "Go" what we, as Christians, need to say every single time is...
Awesome! Another adventure! Where to this time? What should I pack? Is this a short trip, a long one, or am I moving to my new home? Point me in the right direction and never leave my side.... I can't wait to see what you have planed for us!

Leap of Faith

4 years! I can't believe its been 4 years!

Today we celebrate the anniversary of living in Guatemala. This day, 4 years ago, 11 of us, with about 22 suit cases hopped on a plain to move to San Antonio Augas Calientes, Guatemala. When we moved here, me and 6 others in our family had never even visited, but we all feel in love with life here. It was all simply a leap of faith. 

This is such an amazing scene....

The uncertainties of living in a new country. New food, new culture, new people, new language.... so much to learn, so much to adjust to. We took a leap of faith, trusting God every step of the way. I know I can't speak for everyone in our family, but for me, it was surprisingly easy. Not once in the past 4 years have I questioned the movie. Not once have I wished we had stayed in the states. Was it hard at times? Absolutely. I have had to sit in another country as my friends and extended family continue on with their lives. I have missed graduations, wedding, births, nephew and niece growing up, death in the family, and much more. 

But, while all that was happening, I was able to experience so much more (in a very different way). I have learned new cultures, I have learned to drive on very interesting roads with very interesting traffic conditions (and US traffic has nothing on ours). I have developed great friendships (friends who are now like family). We have a great group of staff working with us. We have seen amazing things happen through our ministry. I have witnessed God working in amazing ways, always providing in his perfect timing (which I did also witness in the states). The list goes on and on..... and on and on and on. Tiny things and huge things and everything in between. But the few things that have made the biggest impact on me... I have grown so much closer to my sibling and parents and God. I have gotten to take care of 15 amazing children that I would never have met if we didn't move here. God had blessed us so, very much.

Also, I just want to say.... I have the best family ever!

God has allowed us to be a part of so many, amazing things.... all it took was a leap of faith.